The day is young, the hour is not yet 10:00, yet already I have learned an important lesson today:
Don't be nice to people.
Be an asshole instead, and your life will be so much easier.
Because if you go out of your way to be nice to people, those people will end up fucking with your plans (which were basically selfish asshole plans anyway), and then you will have to end up being an asshole just so you can stick to plans that were already going to make you an asshole.
See? It's totally circular.
So I figure, if you just plan on being an asshole to begin with, then nobody will expect you to be nice at any point in the process, meaning that you can just be an asshole all of the time and nobody will really mind!
I'm telling you, it's genius.
Plus, I don't really like being nice to people solely because of that stupid "internal struggle" motif, so I figure that if I'm just always an asshole, then people won't bother to expect me not to be an asshole, which means that I win extra brownie points when I'm nice, but at the same time I have fewer people that actually hang around me and expect me to be nice. It's a win-win-win.
Or maybe just a win... I don't know. I think I'm really the only one coming out on top in this situation.
But that's okay with me.
Because remember? I'm an asshole. So I don't care.
Also, it can't be that bad of a philosophy, because I swear the universe taught it to me. Every time I'm nice because I'm aware that it makes me a good person, I end up having to be a bad person at some point anyway. And my brother agrees with me, so that says something, right?
You bet it does.
It says that now there are TWO assholes to look out for. Told you it was brilliant.
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