Wrong.
When at a concert filled with an audience of rhythmically challenged people, clapping along to the beat is apparently the hardest thing ever.
There was a concert in our dorm tonight called "Dueling Pianos". Two people. Two pianos. Two loudly belting voices. One retarded audience.
It wouldn't even take a full measure before everybody was already off-beat. Clap on 2 and 4? Fuck that. I'll clap on 1 and 7. And in case you were wondering, beat 7 is 5/9 of the way between 2 and 3, and beat 1 is wherever the hell I want it to be.
It was bad.
Now I'm trying not to include myself in this generalization, given that I could at least detect that the rest of the audience was full of slow kids. And I'm sure there were other musicians there as well who knew that the beat was progressively getting faster and could think of nothing to do to stop it. It couldn't be helped.
But come on, let's be honest with ourselves. If we can't even keep a basic beat, what are we supposed to do when we're counting to three in our head before we say something stupid? It's not going to be a real three, it's going to be a fast three, or a non-existent three, or we're going to be thinking so hard about how to evenly count to three that we will forget to think about how wise it is to say that stupid thing and end up saying it anyway.
It was sad. I wanted to round up all of those clapping people and tell them to tape their hands to their sides until they pass a music theory class, and then maybe they'll be allowed back in to the audience.
On an unrelated note, when I got back to my dorm the bottom button of my shirt was undone. I don't know how this happened, but I am perplexed.
Maybe it was so flustered at the inability to keep a beat that it tried to run away.
Yes, I know that was a lame ending. Shut up. I couldn't think of anything else.
Be thankful you got an ending at all.
I literally laughed out loud.
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