4 Christmas Traditions America Should Borrow From Germany

When fa-la-la’s and ho-ho-ho’s hit the air, it’s almost impossible not to think at least a little bit about Germany. Whether you know it or not, most of your Christmas traditions actually came from them.

Ever decorated a Christmas tree? Yeah, of course you have. Germany invented that. Eaten chocolate from an advent calendar? Thank Germany. Put a nutcracker out on the table with your other Christmas adornments? It’s actually a Nussknacker, and yeah, once again, Germany. And of course “O Tannenbaum,” which is just straight-up German for a Christmas tree.

But there are some things that Germany still does better when celebrating Christmas than the good ol’ U S of A, and we should really get on board with that. Like…

Sankt Nikolaus (or Saint Nick’s)

Now I realize that this advice is coming to you a little late, because Saint Nick’s is technically on December 6^th (with the 5^th being Saint Nick’s Eve, if you feel like calling it such) but if you want to do it late that’s cool, nobody’s watching and I promise I won’t tell Germany you’re cheating.

I grew up always doing this with, as my mom comes from a German family and it’s one of the few traditions that carried on, but many Americans don’t celebrate Saint Nick’s, and that’s just sad. Why, you ask?

Well, Sankt Nikolaus consists of children (or adults, or whoever in the world feels like it) putting their shoes by the front door before they go to sleep at night, and when they awake in the morning finding them filled with candy and little toys from “Saint Nick”.

A pre-Christmas holiday almost entirely dedicated to chocolate? I’m convinced. You should be too, America. It’s delicious and festive. Not to mention a great way to kick off the Christmas season.

Weihnachtsmärkte (or Christmas Markets)

These are one of the cutest and most festive holiday traditions in Germany that get everybody in the holiday spirit as soon as November ends and double as a fun way to get creative and unique Christmas gifts for all of your friends and family.

Some American cities already have made their own Christmas markets a thing (shout out to you on this one, Denver – the Christkindlmarkt downtown is pretty sweet) but most only have lame department stores to do your shopping in. Where’s the fun in that?

At Christmas markets in Germany you can shop from small booths filled with handmade gifts such as candles, sweets, scarves, carved wooden ornaments, and tons of other unique and cute things. And to take a break from shopping, depending on which Christmas market you go to, there will be either live music or a little show or ballet for entertainment.

Such as this fun little choir performing in Charlottenburg.

And that’s not even mentioning the food… Christmas market food is all of the warm, festive comfort food that you love, freshly made and served to you as the perfect combatant for the December cold. I mean, German food is basically all comfort food, right? Yeah it is.

Plus German hot chocolate is basically the best thing ever, because they like to make it by just taking hot milk and actually melting a big ol’ piece of chocolate into it. None of that cocoa powder nonsense over here in these Christmas markets, no sir.

Although I can’t really say with a clear conscience that hot chocolate is the best drink ever, because…

Glühwein

That’s it. That’s my whole argument. Because: Glühwein.

You may not have heard the name before, or even tried the drink, but I’m sure that everyone has heard of the Christmas anomaly that is hot wine spiced with clove, nutmeg, cinnamon, and other delicious Christmas flavors and topped off with a tang of orange.

Aka, happiness for wine-lovers in a nice warm cup.

And since you can make it with literally any wine you want, white, red, or rose, you can bet your fur-lined Santa Claus boots that I’ll be bringing a recipe back to share with my family (and the rest of America; no one deserves to miss out on this joy).

Sugar cookies (made with cinnamon)

This last one is simple, which makes it even more upsetting that I had to wait 20 years until I came to Germany to experience this deliciousness.

In German they’re called Spekulos, which has no real translation but basically just means the traditional Christmas sugar cinnamon cookies.

I know that in America people like to make Snickerdoodles (and I am indeed one of those people, I just made myself a batch) but don’t try and compare Snickerdoodles to Spekulos. They’re totally different things.

Spekulos are thin and stamped to look like cottages or little elves or things like that, and they’re actually baked with cinnamon in the dough instead of just rolled in cinnamon-sugar after the fact.

They’re perfect for dipping in milk, because the thin cookie absorbs it and becomes soft quickly, and they’re nice and easy to hold on to – because nothing is worse than accidentally dropping your cookie into a full glass of milk and having to drink the dregs when you finally get to the bottom.

The best part? You can get them baked fresh at a local bakery, usually for under two euros.

So add some cinnamon to your sugar cookie dough next time. It’s positively scrumptious, I promise. Drink some Glühwein while you’re baking them, too, and you’ll basically be German already.

Auf Wiedersehen, Amerika

Said goodbye to my parents for the last time (sorry to bring it up, mom) and I'm off to Berlin for four months!

It will be a magical mystery adventure. You can keep up with it at www.europeaccordingtoemma.blogspot.com

Bis Bald, USA.

Short-Sighted

Come not as a tourist to a foreign

land, city kin to none

With winding streets that pick and choose;

poles topped in light, not cluttered

by advertisements

one-way arrows to dead ends

signs in unknown languages.

Come not as a tourist to intimidation

Afraid to walk the alleys

where black cats mean good luck

and men with knives are genial.

The cornerstore will keep you alive

Empty wrappers of encouragement

But they will not sell you paper

I will turn on the streetlights for you

Come not as a tourist with little

to invest, money to spend and move on

Since the only thing between me

and the gaping hole in the door frame

is an absolute nothing.

46.6 Ways to Fight (Without Getting a Concussion)

This is an article I wrote for my final paper last quarter. It's about the NHL, so if you don't like hockey you probably shouldn't read it and also we can't be friends. But anyway, I finally remembered to put it up here. Yes, I know, I'm super prompt. (Also, blogger doesn't let you do sidebars (lame) so the sidebar stories are going to have to fit in with everything else. I'll try not to make it too weird.) 

When tensions are high and the fourth line hits the ice, hockey fans know exactly what to expect: sticks will be abandoned, gloves will be dropped, and it’s time for a fight. Punches will have to increase their precision this season, though, unless hitting a helmet with bare knuckles sounds like fun.

An alteration to the NHL rulebook this season looks to increase player safety by requiring players to keep their helmets on prior to fighting, and assessing them for a two-minute minor penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct if they fail to comply.

The rule, summarized by NHL.com under the heading Keep your helmets on, has its sights set not on decreasing instances of fighting, but instead on lowering concussion risks incurred by fights.

“In a lot of fights, how they end [is that] one guy goes to the ice. And if a guy’s on top of him there’s a good chance that he’s going to hit his head,” said Mike Chambers, hockey writer for the Denver Post. Chambers has been covering both professional and collegiate hockey for the Post since 1994, writing primarily about the Colorado Avalanche and the University of Denver.

He has experience on the ice as well, having played the sport himself for many years, and he likes the new rule. “Like the NFL is doing, the NHL is trying to do anything they can to avoid head injuries. These new rules, I think all of them are good. But in terms of fighting? I don’t think they’ll ever outlaw fighting.  I think there’s a place [for] it [in] the game,” said Chambers.

Typically when one thinks of a hockey fight the mental image that pops up is of two guys, gloves off, circling each other until somebody throws the first punch. Not all fights happen like that, though. Plenty of altercations just happen in the course of the action, with no plans or precursory thought.

“My fights are generally spur of the moment, you know, things get chippy and I end up fighting,” said Sean Zimmerman, a defenseman for the Denver Cutthroats of the CHL. Zimmerman’s fights represent the other half of hockey fights that aren’t necessarily affected by the alteration of rule 46.6, which only prohibits intentional removal of helmets before a fight.  “When you square off, you’ll both take off your helmets, but I don’t usually square off like that so my helmet is usually on,” Zimmerman said.

No stranger to the penalty box, Zimmerman recorded 77 minutes in penalties last season with the Cutthroats in 61 games, with a career high of 105 minutes in 72 games during his 2009-2010 season with the San Antonio Rampage of the AHL. Despite these impressive stats, he is not the type of player that seeks out a fight, crediting his numbers instead to his position on the team. “I’m a stay-at-home defenseman… I’m there to back the team up and play a really physical game,” he said.

Other players do plan their fights. NHL enforcers like Cody McLeod of the Colorado Avalanche or Shawn Thornton of the Boston Bruins fulfill the unofficial role that has been a staple of hockey teams since the beginning. Tough games will commonly see players like this come out and start a fight right off the playoff circle to try and get something going for their team.

Enforcers like McLeod or Thornton are also the team’s first pick when there’s a score that needs to be settled. Missed calls, dirty hits, or big hits that leave one team feeling wronged often result in a fight that serves to level the playing field between the two teams and leave the problem in the past.

Band of Brothers

Hockey has its own culture, and fighting is a big part of it. Even though there are plenty of players willing to drop the gloves, with around 300 fighting each season, the goal is almost never to cause serious injury. With few exceptions, dirty hits and brutal fighting are not intentional, and members of all clubs hate to see a good man go down.

When Steven Stamkos of the Tampa Bay Lightning was taken off the ice on a stretcher during a game against the Boston Bruins on November 11^th after breaking his tibia against the goal post, players from around the NHL reached out to the injured legend with their condolences. Ryan Whitney, a defenseman for the Floria Panthers, and forward Matt Duchene of the Colorado Avalanche were a few examples: 

  Even the Boston Bruins reached out to the injured player on Twitter, and their fans gave Stamkos a standing ovation as he was taken off the ice during the game: 

  Hockey players are unique in the solidarity of their sport, with many players holding close friendships with players on other teams and all players respecting each other of respect for the sport which they love.

Hockey fans are no stranger to this bond either, with rivalries going out the window as soon as a player gets hurt. Like with Stamkos in Boston, even if the injured player was playing against your team, you clap and wish him well, because to disrespect a player is to disrespect the game.

             

This unspoken agreement is one of the reasons that Chambers approves of the fighting culture in the NHL, and thinks that it is here to stay. “It offers the players an opportunity to police the game for themselves. I think if there wasn’t fighting, like college hockey, you would have too many players running around taking cheap shots,” he said.

Though there are some who would say that fighting has no place in sports, the benefits offered by allowing it are plentiful enough that Chambers doesn’t see it being eliminated any time soon. “They [the NHL] are willing to accept fighting, but trying to make it as safe as possible,” he said.

That is where rule 46.6 comes into play. In previous seasons, the rule stated that players would receive a two-minute minor penalty for beginning a fight with a helmet or facemask on, requiring that players drop their helmets along with their gloves and sticks before starting anything.

The new rule 46.6 is a complete flip, telling players instead that they must keep their helmets on during a fight, and aiming by doing so to minimize concussion risks as a result of head-to-ice contact during fights. According to the official NHL rulebook, though, if helmets are removed during the course of a fight, neither player will be penalized.

As early as preseason this year, there were already players finding loopholes. In their rule summary, the NHL made mention of the fight between Krys Barch of the New Jersey Devils and Brett Gallant of the New York Islanders where the two players took off each other’s helmets before they fought, clearing themselves to fight uninhibited the way they were used to and also avoiding additional penalties for either of them.

But the NHL made the express decision not to intervene. No provisions were added to the rule to close the loophole, and if the goal of the league was to stop fighting altogether, one would have been imminent. This comprehensive chart of fighting statistics since the 2000-2001 season put together by hockeyfights.com makes it clear that fighting has not gone down, with the projected number of fights for this season falling right into the average.

 Adapted instead for player safety, the new version of rule 46.6 is trying to take that extra step to avoid the small number of concussions that do occur as a result of fighting.

Similar to rule 48 implemented a few seasons ago to avoid concussions from blindside hits by adding penalties to hits which targeted the head, the new helmet rule is doing its part to skim some concussion risk off of the top of the game.

The risk being skimmed is a pretty small percentage, but it’s a start. “In hockey, there are so many more head injuries because of getting hit by the puck or being elbowed or having a shoulder hit you or something like that, that’s where hockey’s main head injuries are caused. Not from fighting. [But] there have been instances where there have been some really serious head injuries, not getting punched by a guy, but being thrown to the ice after or during a fight and hitting your head,” said Chambers.

“You’re probably going to see more concussions from high-speed collisions, like player-to-player contact,” said Aaron Leu, athletic trainer and associate director of sports medicine for the University of Denver hockey team. DU’s team has avoided concussions for the most part over the last several seasons, though concussion-prone players have come through the university in the past. “We had one kid that had a big history of concussions, and most of his concussions came from collisions with another player,” said Leu.

Zimmerman may be a fighter in his league, but his concussion wouldn’t have been helped by the existence of rule 46.6 either. “I’ve gotten [one], but it wasn’t from fighting. I think the biggest risk that you run there is just taking big hits or hits near the boards,” he said.

And the statistics back him up. In a study conducted by Laura Donaldson, Mark Asbridge, and Michael D. Cusimano and reported by Stu Hackel for Sports Illustrated entitled “Bodychecking Rules and Concussions in Elite Hockey,” only 11 of the 123 concussions they recorded in the three years of their study were caused by fights.

Those 11 concussions were probably not from the actual fighting, either; it is far more likely that the post-fight impact with either the ice or the boards was the culprit.

“If you get hit by a punch on the side of the head it’s no worse than being punched in the face. I think it all goes back to they don’t want these guys fighting and falling to the ice,” said Chambers.

The Visor Dichotomy

Keeping helmets on during fights may only be mildly inconvenient for some veteran players, but for the rookies who are required to wear visors it could present a real struggle. The added visor rule (9.7) in the 2013-2014 Official NHL Rulebook states that any player with less than 25 NHL games in their career is now required to wear a visor, while players with more are allowed to choose.

When placed separately from rule 46.6, requiring visors is all benefits. This PR Newswire article explains how eye injuries caused by pucks and high sticks can be avoided with the addition of a visor, and discusses also the heated debate in the hockey world that served as a precursor to the addition of the mandatory visor rule.

                The question is this: How safe is it for players to fight with a visor on? While a helmet will not break under the force of a fist, a visor is much less certain. In order to avoid the risk of a broken visor sticking pieces of plexiglass into their face in a fight, players will have to take off their helmet: which they’re not allowed to do.

                How these two rules are supposed to get along certainly doesn’t make sense at first glance. With over 75% of NHL players wearing visors, though, it’s sure to be figured out soon.

While it may not make much of a difference on the receiving end, the guys throwing the punches this year will want to be a lot more careful with where they land. With the addition of a helmet, a punch to the side of the head is going to hurt a lot more than a face.

“You’re adding another piece of equipment that doesn’t like to break, doesn’t like to give a lot, absorbs a lot of pressure but still doesn’t absorb enough to keep things from getting worse,” said Leu. The extra equipment will protect heads from concussions, but the rule says nothing about knuckles and hands. “If a [player] makes a strong, flat contact with enough force on a helmet he’s at risk of breaking a hand, breaking a finger, or injuring ligaments in the wrist,” Leu added.

Broken knuckles and shattered hands aren’t uncommon among enforcers in the NHL, or in any hockey league that allows fighting. In his 2010 season with the Colorado Avalanche, defenseman Chris Stewart broke his hand in a fight and was out on injury for the rest of the season. The fight, which can be watched here, was before rule 46.6 but followed it exactly: neither player removed their helmet before fighting, though they dropped the gloves and squared off.

 It also demonstrated exactly what is concerning about the new rule, because Stewart’s injury came as a direct result from punches to the helmet and it set him back considerably in his career. He played another partial season with the Avalanche, but was traded to the St. Louis Blues after failing to return to his former ability.

“I don’t really know if there’s a huge difference between punching the top of the head or punching the helmet, I think they probably both hurt just as much,” said Zimmerman. But the top of the head is a much smaller target than a helmet, and one can only imagine a little easier to avoid.

Hockey is an inherently violent sport, and to take that out would be to change the entire culture of the game. By amending rule 46.6 the NHL is doing its part to try and make it safer and keep the injuries to cuts, bruises, and broken bones instead of brain damage.

But nobody can leave a fight without an injury, so which would you rather: broken knuckles or a concussion?

Take your pick.

How To Make Yourself Appear Graceful

With the holidays coming up, and (hopefully) holiday parties, t'is the season of pretty dresses and fancy parties.

Now, of course a fancy dress makes a girl feel fancy, but fancy is usually seen as synonymous with graceful, and a fancy dress does not make a girl graceful.

I wear fancy dresses all the time and I still trip over my own toes.

(Okay, that's a lie. I don't wear fancy dresses. But I could, and... I'm sure you get my point.)

So, in the spirit of giving, I come to you, the Ghost of Christmas Clumsy, to tell you how to make yourself appear graceful in order to fool anyone who doesn't know you better, because honesty is what the holidays are all about.

(And I do acknowledge in advance that most of these strategies are geared toward girls. What can I say? You write what you know. So if you are a man reading this, just, um... add "in a manly way" to the end of whatever I'm saying. That should work.)

Strategy Number 1:

Only one bite at at a time.

I know that holiday parties are really on the hors d'oeuvres that are only about the size of your finger and are not nearly large enough to serve as an acceptable counterpart to the abundant number of holiday drinks that will surely be consumed, but please. Pace yourself.

Holiday parties will not be impressed that you can fit your fist (or a fistful of tiny crackers topped with some kind of pretentious cheese) into your mouth.

(It's okay, though. I'm impressed. You go.)

So take it slow, okay? Eat as much as your little heart desires, just don't let anybody catch on.

Remember: You are graceful. You are hungry. You are stealth.


Strategy Number 2:

Alcohol and heels don't mix.

Unless you're actually good at walking in heels (and therefore among the elite, congratulations) you're going to look like a lurchy little dolt.

Just wear shorter heels, or a nice pair of flats. If your dress isn't too fancy, nobody will object to the tall leather boots look.

(Although that look gets tricky. Try and avoid looking like the party ho-ho-hoe.)

Or, if you are going to wear heels (because I know how hard it is to resist this particular temptation), just find any excuse you can to not walk around. Make the men come to you.

Or, you know, just anybody.

What I'm saying is tape some mistletoe above your head and you're good. Capiche?


Strategy Number 3:

You know those little cookie sandwiches stuck together with frosting that always look so delicious?

Don't.


Strategy Number 4:

I know that in movies people always walk really slowly and it makes them look mysterious and relaxed and cool, but... I don't know if you've ever tried walking slow, because shit's hard.

Unless you have good balance to begin with (which I don't) then you'll have a very hard time walking in a straight line (I do) and you will end up teetering on the edges of your feet (even in flats) and looking really dumb (I did).

Don't walk like you're on a mission either, because who can talk to you when you're practically bowling them over.

Just pick a pace. A good one. Similar to the pace with which you're shoving your face with food. That's a good pace. Keep it up.


Strategy Number 5:

If somebody tries to talk to you while you're in stealth hunger mode, just remember what your momma taught you and chew and swallow before you reply.

There is a time and a place for looking like a neanderthal.

That is basically every other time and place.

A holiday party is the only exception to that rule.

Remember: holiday parties = grace. You are grace. Grace doesn't talk with her mouth full.


I'm actually not all that well versed in being graceful (surprise surprise, I called myself the Ghost of Christmas Clumsy for a reason) so this is the last strategy I'm able to offer you:

Strategy Number 6:

Lip gloss is never a good idea.

Sure, it looks great when you first put it on, and it's scented like candy canes and damn don't you just feel festive, but you will regret your decision as soon as your hair starts sticking to it and your cup starts sticking to it and everything you put in your mouth that touches your lips on the way in carries a faint overtone of wax-flavored candy canes.

Plus, you don't want everybody at the party knowing who you kissed under that mistletoe you taped above your head, do you?

(Hahahaha oh, I crack myself up. I don't even know what mistletoe is for.)

Anyway, long story short, lip gloss is bad. It is the evil elf of the makeup world. Just use tinted chapstick like me instead. I'm clearly a fashion and beauty icon. Watch me toss my hair.


Now go forth to your own holiday parties, my children, and exude grace.

Failing that, just try not to embarrass yourself too much.

(But if you do, be sure to send pictures.)

My Fake Apology

I should really learn never to make promises. Especially not promises about my writing.

Remember that short story I said I was writing?

Yeah, still not done.

Remember that blog post I said was imminent?

Well, it's written.

...in my head.

That counts, right?

See, in my defense, I have been doing a lot of writing for school. You know, being a journalism major and all that.

I just finished two really great articles today about the experiences of some intercultural students, and I realize that I shouldn't say they're great because it's my own writing, but I feel like I can say they're great because it's my own writing... anyway, I want you all to be able to read them!

And then you'll know that I actually am still writing!

I'm writing this post last so that the two articles will be listed directly below it (look at me, besting technology) and I sincerely hope that you all read them! They're about some very interesting people that I feel very lucky to have had the privilege to meet and talk to, even if the articles skimmed more of a general surface than a personality piece.

Now, I would like to make a promise.

I promise you that I will be posting two articles soon.

Very soon.

I bet if you scroll down they're already there.

(Best promise ever.)

A Place of Her Own

                Some people find a new hobby to break up the monotony of their work. Andrea Guevara decided to find a new country.  At the age of 31, after years of working as a corporate lawyer in Caracas, the capital of Venezuela, she needed a change of pace: something that didn’t involve her company, her government, or the crime rate of Caracas.

                When Andrea got on a plane for Colorado last spring, the President of Venezuela was still Hugo Chavéz. Having risen to power democratically in 1998, he was doing everything he could to alter Venezuelan laws and allow himself to stay in power forever, according to Simon Rimero of the New York Times. In his obituary of Chavéz, Rimero wrote about the former President’s dreams of becoming a caudillo. Chavéz even penned a new constitution after his inauguration in 1999 that stated the presidency would be decided by election for six-year terms, and presidents could be re-elected for successive terms – with no end date in mind.¹  The effects of this desire did not go unfelt by the Venezuelan people. “I’m not glad about all the things that he suffered, because he suffered from cancer. But I feel a relief at some point when I find out that this terrible man was dying,” Andrea said. Elections held following Chavéz’s death in March, 2013 appointed a new President within two weeks. Already out of the country at this point, Andrea did not have a chance to participate in the vote. “I was angry about it, because that was not the right procedure to follow… it was my first election that I couldn’t vote since I turned 18, and I vote every single time,” Andrea said.

                The political turmoil was not the only reason that Andrea wanted to leave Venezuela behind. Her job as a lawyer for Pepsi-Cola was becoming dull, and she felt the need to make a change. “I felt tired, I was sick about everything. I was sick about traffic, I was sick about my work, I was sick about everything. The whole environment. And I felt like I needed to do something more for me and for my career, because I love what I do. So I decided to come here and improve my English because I know that it will be a big issue, an obstacle, to get admission into any program,” she said. Though in the process of earning the equivalent of a master’s degree in her home country, Andrea packed up for Colorado in the hopes that, once here, she could find a master’s program that would help her perfect her legal English and better her chances of finding a job with an American company. “I’m just looking for quality of life, and I don’t have that in my country, unfortunately,” she said. While perfectly qualified to be a lawyer in Venezuela, Andrea is hoping to learn legal English so that she can continue to do what she loves while also enjoying that quality of life offered by the States. “I’m afraid I’ll send someone an opinion or answer some email and my English is not good enough and they will say ‘Oh, this person is helping me with this issue but she doesn’t understand English, how can I trust [her]. I think that English is a tool that is really helpful and today in the corporate world you have to learn another language,” she said.

                By moving to Colorado, not only did Andrea better her chances of getting into an English-speaking master’s program, but she also found a different pace of life that suited her much better than the high-strung paranoia of Caracas. “Colorado is so friendly. It’s peaceful, and for me, that’s the way it makes me feel. Safe and peaceful. I don’t get frustrated about things that used to make me [angry], and I really appreciate it,” she said. Many people who know the name of Venezuela’s capital may not know its nickname: “The world’s murder capital.”² In 2012, OSAC reported 100 homicides per 100,000 inhabitants in the Miranda state, an area that includes much of metropolitan Caracas. “I like to go to the movies, and [not] pay attention to if I’m smoking a cigarette and I have my window down. I couldn’t do that in my home country,” Andrea said. Colorado’s slower pace and safer environment are the flip side of Venezuela’s coin. “[I can] walk in the street, and take out my dog, and do silly things that aren’t silly: they’re important things,” she said.

                The transition to living in the States wasn’t too tough for Andrea to handle. When her parents got divorced, her father moved to New York and her mother moved to Mexico with her new husband. She got her fair share of traveling visiting the two of them, as well as her brother and sister who both moved to Spain. No stranger to new places, the choice to move to Colorado was one based on personal need. “The program that I wanted to apply [to] is here, is at DU. So I came here for that reason. Second, because my [family] is all around the world and I just want to find a place for me, in the middle,” she said.

¹ Information on the 1999 Constitution found at www.venezuela-us.org/politics (Website for the Embassy of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela).

² Reported by Caitlin Dewey for The Washington Post, article titled State Dept. report for Caracas personnel: Crime level ‘critical’.

The Quiet Side of the Sea

When Vanilo Antonio walks out the door in the morning, it’s only what he hears that reminds him of where he is: in America. A native of Luanda, Angola, he has spoken English for years, but still finds himself doing a mental double-take when the people going to and from class with him aren’t speaking in Portuguese. “You keep expecting people to actually speak your native language, [so] from time to time you stop from the middle of the street and go ‘Where am I? What happened?’” Vanilo said.

                The 18 year-old learned to speak English when he was only six, listening to his older brother when he came back to Angola for visits from his new home in Texas. Though he has spoken the language for longer than Alvaro Tendula, a 20 year-old Angolan who began learning English in primary school around eight years ago, he still finds it strange to be completely surrounded by it. “[We have] about 18 languages… People don’t just speak in Portuguese, even on the street,” Vanilo said. A.T. reported a similar experience of not always knowing where he was when he walked out the door, and being thrown off by only hearing one language around him; especially when that language isn’t Portuguese. After becoming a Portuguese colony in 1575¹, the language of Angola was switched from the varieties of tribal languages that separated the country to one introduced language that unified it. That did not eliminate the use of these tribal languages, though, and overheard speech is much more diverse on the streets of Luanda than in Colorado. “While you’re walking around you might hear, I don’t know, maybe two to three different languages depending on where you’re at,” Vanilo said.

                Not only are none of the people on the streets of Colorado speaking Portuguese, there are also a significantly smaller number of them than on the streets of Luanda. “It’s always loud there. I keep expecting to get out of the house and hear a lot of noise; so traffic, people talking really loudly, the ladies selling on the street,” Vanilo said. He got used to always listening to his music at full volume just so he could hear it over the sounds of Luanda. “I still do it, even… before I go out the house I put my earphones on and I put the music on the highest volume I’ve got. [Here] when I leave I only hear music, but back home it was like, I leave my house, I put my foot out the door, [and] I can still hear what’s happening outside. [The quiet is] my reminder that I’m not back home,” he said.  The crowds that stay on the sidewalks in the States take to the streets in Angola and biking and walking is common, as cars are less than practical during Luanda’s rush hour. The morning work traffic often gets so bad that people even leave their cars and walk to work in order to be on time, according to A.T. “You see people just leave their cars right there in the middle of the road, and they call somebody from their house to go and pick up the car later after they leave. You just see an army of people in suits going out on the streets,” Vanilo said. Even the idle hours in Luanda are loud compared Colorado, and unless one is listening between the hours of 3 and 5 in the morning, there is no quiet to be heard.

                Other than the sound shock, the culture in America didn’t take much getting used to for either A.T. or Vanilo. Instead, they found issue with a non-human element of the state: the climate. The air in Angola is much wetter, and the temperature never drops below a comfortable warmth except during the rainy season. When they first got to Colorado, A.T. and Vanilo would play basketball outside, but found the game much more difficult than it was back home. “It was hard to breathe. You would really feel like your throat was completely dried out because of the altitude, and we still weren’t pretty used to drinking water all the time. We would only be able to play for tops twenty minutes,” Vanilo said. Besides being a much drier climate, Colorado also has a fair amount of altitude that is foreign to those from Angola. The capital is on the coast, putting the boys’ home roughly a mile below their current location. The altitude adjustment is one that is common for almost all newcomers to Colorado, whether from Angola, Africa, or Virginia, USA.

                Another struggle that Vanilo and A.T. share with many other college students is the distance from their family. Unlike American students, though, they are separated from their loved ones by an ocean, not just a long drive. Family life in Angola is also much more tightly knit than in America, with weekends commonly being spent with visits to or from extended family. “We would always get together... [spend] the day together, if possible spend the whole weekend, if not just one day, maybe Saturday or Sunday. We would be pretty close, always together if possible,” Vanilo said.

                Despite the distance, they still find a way to stay connected with their families. “You miss them all the time. You’re always trying to call them, whenever possible of course. You’re always trying to keep in touch, to know if something’s happening, if everything’s good. I actually talked to my father this morning,” Vanilo said. International cell phone plans, Skype calls, and internet communication make it easier to keep in touch across the Atlantic.

                Moving always presents obstacles that require adjustment, no matter where a person is coming from or what their final destination is. The similarities of culture between Angola and Colorado certainly made it easier on both A.T. and Vanilo, and the amenities of modern technology are helping to ease the distance of the move.  Like many other college students, they are experiencing the degrees of separation that come from being apart from family and friends, with two additional hefty obstacles: the English language and the Atlantic Ocean.

¹ Historical information from www.angola.org

Drink Your Way Through The Classics

Some stories everyone just knows. They've been around for so long that it's just assumed that everybody has read them.

Which most people haven't.

But if someone mentions, for example, Homer's The Iliad, everyone will at least know what they're talking about.

And that's where literature nerds come in.

We're the ones who have actually read the classics, who tell the stories of the classics to the ignorants who haven't, and who keep the myth that everyone has read the classics going.

But if you've ever tried to read a classic, you will know that the going can be really. fucking. slow.

Sure, some just whiz by.

The Great Gatsby? Read it in three days. To Kill a Mockingbird? Loved it.

The Iliad?

Ugh.

There's a reason that the classics are classic. They're old. In fact, that particular one was written so long ago that nobody actually knows who the author was.

(And before you get all wise with me, yes, I am aware the author is said to be Homer. The question is who Homer was. There's speculation that he was not a man but actually a girl, or even a group of men who got together and wrote the story like some weird self-imposed group project.)

((Which is clearly not true. Even in ancient Greece nobody liked group projects.))

Anyway, writing has a come a long way since then. We're used to reading books that don't make us want to cry out of boredom for the two hundred pages in the middle.

Our modern standards of entertainment can make even the most dedicated of literature nerds want to throw in the proverbial towel and stop trying to read some predictable drivel written by a person long dead.

So what do I do instead?

I drink my way through it.

I got the idea from a friend, who runs a blog dedicated to literature-related drinking games. They're quite entertaining, to say the least, and let me just tell you:

The last 100 pages of this book went so much faster when there was wine involved.

(Also, let's be real. If you're going to inebriate yourself while reading vintage literature, at least be classy about it. Drink wine.)

I do encourage you all to try it sometime.

But before you do, some ground rules:

• Don't keep reading if you're sloshed. This is literature, for fuck's sake. Show some respect.
• Drink classy liquor. (Like I said, wine is encouraged).
• Remember the whole book. It's like saying "pics or it didn't happen." If you don't remember it, you're going to have to read it again. And sober this time. Sorry.

Now, for inquisitive minds, here was how I read The Iliad tonight:

(Side note: These rules work best if you apply them during the slow bit in the middle. Homer actually gets creative or some weird shit like that and makes it so the ending isn't nearly as predictable.)

Drink every time: 

• The phrase "with might and main" is used.
• Someone is compared to a wild animal.
• Hera's an interfering bitch.
• The phrase "in the belly" or "above the nipple" is used.
• Someone is referred to by both their name and who they're the son of (seriously Homer, so unnecessary).
• There's a superfluous dialogue paragraph in the middle of a battle (yes, drink for each one).
• Apollo speaks to someone in the form of someone else.
• Briseis is mentioned.
• There's a list of names you can't even pronounce.
• Paris is a pussy.
• "Armor rang rattling" is used when someone falls/dies.
• Someone is stripped of their armor.

Finish your drink every time:

• A main hero is killed.

And the best part about this game? You can alter it to like rules and use it for any book on your shelf.

Trying to work your way through a book for class? Easy. Drink your way through it instead.

Got a book that's taking up time, because it goes so slowly but you can't move on to your other ones until you finish it? Drink.

Bored for a night and have no friends to hang out with? Drink drink drink.

(Wait, scratch that last one. There are no books involved. (And it's slightly pathetic. (Which I wouldn't know from experience. (You know what, you can do it, just don't tell anyone.))))

It's not our fault that books get repetitive. In fact, it may not even be the author's fault.

We understand, Homer. You were limited in your language. You had to write about a giant war and you were quickly running out of ways to say "fight hard" and "die" without resorting to ridiculous phrases like "go fight win" and "suck an egg, you worthless trojan."

And so we commiserate. With alcohol.

And it works beautifully.

P.S. Holy fucking jesus I'm finally done with that book QUICK SOMEBODY THROW ME A PARTY. I'LL BRING THE GLITTER.

I'm Back?

I'm actually starting to feel creative again.

You guys.

I feel creative.

CREATIVE!

Miraculous, really. I thought the muses had abandoned me forever.

Maybe they were just mad about my excessive gaming.

Or the fact that I watch shows on netflix that I hate just because I can't stop without finishing every available episode.

Or the depressing reality that I am still reading The Iliad.

(Seriously. It is so slow. Get to the good stuff, Homer.)

((On the bright side, I have fewer than a hundred pages left and I think I'm going to make it into a wine-fueled drinking game tomorrow just to get me through it.))

(((There are just so many unnecessary details. I don't really need to remember them all.)))

Anyway, because I like to pretend that there are some people who actually enjoy reading the things that I write, and because in that grand delusion I also tell myself that those people are probably sad when I don't write at all, I would like to promise you imaginary people that there are good things coming.

I have a great idea for a post that will (hopefully) happen soon, (might) be funny, and (with any luck) might actually contain the same number of points that I say it will.

I'm also writing a short story that somebody might like to read. You know, wishful thinking.

And I'm going to try and keep this shit up in the future.

Like, not forget that I have a blog all the time and stuff like that.

And maybe write some things on a semi-regular basis.

Because I'm a fucking writer.

And that's what writers do.

Wish me luck with the Iliad.

(Please. Seriously. Wish me luck.)

Maybe the next time we chat I'll have actually finished it.