Time to Suit Up

Last night, I spent the hours of 7 to 2 watching Ryan Gosling films. What does that mean? Does it mean that I now have an irrepressible crush on Ryan Gosling? Does it mean that I finally went to sleep in the mere hopes that my dreams would be filled with his face? Yes and yes. But does it also mean that I now hold a secret to the universe? Double yes.


At this point I would like to advise you to sit down if you are a man, because this news may cause you to embark on deep processes of thought, and not all of you are necessarily capable of doing so without focusing all of your energies on your brain. And if you're a woman, well, here:

Now stare at that and try not to drool on yourself.

Allow me to start with an undeniable statement:

Ryan Gosling is always classy.

How does he do it? It's not like the characters he chooses are always the nice guys. Proof: a corrupt politician in The Ides of March, an arrogant lawyer in Fracture, a psychotic man who beats his wife and kills his dog in All Good Things. Yet despite all this, the only time I find myself not cheering for him is when he has a bad '70s haircut and glasses half the size of his face.

Three movies in a row, three different personae, three different attitudes. One high degree of classy.

And I think I've figured out his secret. Or, you know, the secret of the people who dress him for his movies.

Step one to being classy: Always suit up. Neil Patrick Harris could tell you that. It says not only that you have money and therefore are good at something, even if it is just convincing people to pay you for things you didn't really do, but it also says that you have good style. And style, my friends, is classy.

Step two to being classy: Even when you don't suit up, still dress stylishly. He can wear a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt and still look just as classy as he did when he was suited up. Jeans that fit but not too tight, a nice but inconspicuous belt, and a shirt that shows off your arms. That's the way to go, guys.

Step three isn't really a part of being classy as much as just generally being attractive, but sexiness always works to the advantage of classiness: Work out. Look nice. It's worth it.

And step four to being classy: You can be as arrogant, corrupt, conceited, egotistical, and cocky as you want, but when there comes a time to make a true decision between right and wrong, stand with your convictions and go for what's right. It turns a walking mannequin into a real person, amping up the class to such levels that you can actually ask a girl if she's from Tennessee and still manage to go home with her.

These are his secrets. I know, because I asked him. In my dreams.

Sorry to say, though, I don't think the Tennessee line will actually work, no matter how classy you are.

Why don't you try it out and get back to me on that.

Credit for the photo to www.feministryangosling.com Did you like it? Of course you did. Check out the site for more fantastic shit.