Clusterf#*%

That's what this post will be.

For the benefit of those children that may (or may not) read (but really shouldn't read) my blog, I censored the title.

Take that as a warning.

To not continue reading into the clusterfuck.

Aka, stop now.

Anyway. So much has happened over the past month or so, I literally have not had any time to write about it.

So, in order to put a halt on this unfortunate shunning of my blog, I have spent the entirety of this afternoon pondering the best ways in which to consolidate my thoughts of all of the things that have been going on.

In one sentence? People are entertaining.

Usually not on purpose.

In fact, it's usually quite serious. They just fail at being intelligent.

Like when people call in to work to place a phone-in order, and I can't understand their name, so I ask them again. And then the phone beeps, or there's static because they're using a hands-free, or they just have a really freaking weird name that I don't understand.

So after the second time I ask them "I'm sorry ma'am, can you please repeat that one more time for me?" they SCREAM it into the phone.

Which simply exacerbates their problem of white noise.

Making it so that I can't understand their name.

Again.

And while they're getting angry, I'm trying to keep from laughing. I usually just end up making up a name for them. Cross my fingers, hope that it's right.

Or the great people who called in on 4/20. "Would you like silverware in the bag?"

"....SuuuUUUUuuuure!"

Umm... Okay... Just silverware, nothing to get excited about sir.

Or the people at the Rise Against concert that I went to with Jen last week.

Concerts are essentially an excuse for all of the potheads, drunks, and bad dancers to emerge from their holes and mingle with the rest of society.

And it is absolutely hilarious.

Like the one girl who got so excited she started whipping her hair, and then almost fell over because she was completely wasted.

And you could always tell when somebody took a puff of weed, because this nice consolidated little cloud would slowly rise into the air.

Puff... OH LOOK! someone's gettin' high over there.

Then there were people getting hammered while standing in the line. Talk about time-efficient.

But enough about stupid people. Because honestly, I could go on all day.

But I would rather not.

And I'm sure you don't want me to either.

The Hell, Man

Sometimes in life, there are moments. Moments in which the only thing that you can possibly think of to say is "Umm, what the fuck?"

But don't be fooled by the angry appearance of that last word. These can often be good moments. So, to disguise the fact the fuck looks angry and makes people think that I am yelling in frustration rather than joy, we will simplify.

Here are some wtf? moments from the last couple days:

wtf? Moment 1.

I had a girl yesterday tell me I give the best advice ever. Her conundrum? She hooked up with her best friend one too many times, and now they were on the verge of not being friends. Which she just couldn't bear.

My solution?

Stop screwing your friends.

She thanked me profusely. Umm, the hell?


wtf? Moment 2.

I was legitimately wondering what good karma I possibly could have earned yesterday. Within the time span of an hour, I got a job,

YAY!

AND I got tickets to go see Rise Against / Bad Religion at the Fillmore.

Which is so freaking sick.

SO. SICK.

I must have done something really nice to deserve that. And I don't do nice things. I don't understand.

wtf? Moment 3.

At about ten o' clock, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend. It said, and I quote:

"Happy break up anniversery. :) hope your doing well Emma, and i hope the play went well!"

Nice grammar, douche.

Need I say why the only thing that I could think of to say for about an hour after I got it was dude, what the fuck?

I mean, come on. Who says shit like that? Come on, man. Come on.

Final moment came this morning. Surprisingly, from the same source which the first one came from. Golly, she sure is a bundle of accidental entertainment these days.    

One question I never thought I would hear while sitting in the hallway talking to my friends is "Hey Emma, do you have a gameboy charger?"

....the fuck?

No, I don't have a gameboy charger. Maybe because I'm a big kid now, and I don't play Zelda in the hallway during passing periods. Or maybe it's because I just forgot to bring my charger with me to school today.

Or hey, maybe it's because they went out of style FIVE YEARS AGO.

Which I informed her of. Politely, of course.

I'm always polite.

After I finish laughing.

Never Growing Up

We had an interesting lunch hour today. It seems that word is able to describe most of the lunch hours that involve me and my neighbors.

In short, we spent the whole time laughing at poop jokes and pushing each other into various forms of oncoming traffic. It was good.

And when I think about the lunches we've spent together, two words come to mind. The first word is fun. Rightly so. We do have quite a bit of fun.

The second word is childish.

I know that's what comes to other peoples' minds, surely. Just seeing the looks that we get while walking in from the parking lot, I would say that childish is definitely the word that others might use to describe us.

But isn't immaturity, in a sense, what makes fun? Some people have fun making your mom jokes and turning Disney song lyrics into sexual humor (yes, I am guilty as charged). So for them, immaturity is fun.

Acting childishly is what could be considered immature as well. And I for one can almost never think of a time where I was being immature with my friends and did not get a good, fun memory out of the deal.

So why is it that being immature is so much more fun than just doing normal fun things? There are plenty of games you could play or things you could do, like see a comedy show, that would be fun, but not immature.

Although, now that I've said that, I'm thinking back, and it seems that there was a component of childish behavior laced into all of the fun that I've had.

My thought on that is this: Children are capable of having the most pure, innocent, unbridled fun of any age group.

They have so much fun because they're not worried about what other people might think of them, or the way that it may be considered socially acceptable for them to behave. They just do whatever feels right at the moment and go with it.

The people who can laugh at anything, whether it's appropriate or not, and do the weird little jig that pops into their head during a moment of awkward silence because they just felt that it would be a nice time to do it are truly the most gifted of us all. They're not gifted with brains or skill, necessarily, but they're gifted with silly. Somebody who can laugh anything off and make a joke out of socially crippling situations deserves some applause, in my opinion.

So where other teenagers might want to have more "adult" fun by going out on a Friday night and playing beer pong until they can't see straight, I want to have the most childish fun that I can have until the day I can no longer laugh.

Because that pure joy that comes from the most honest and natural form of humor that is not synthesized by words or controlled by the world that we live in. It comes from the little kid that lives in our hearts, and when we make him happy he skips around and throws confetti into our blood and pumps goofy through our bodies. No matter how old I get, I want that little kid to keep frolicking around.

That being said,

Go poop on cheese and put it on a cracker.