Well That Was Awkward.

I smile a lot when I'm watching movies.

It doesn't matter if it's happy and funny, or if somebody is sitting in their car after escaping the police and yelling about how they don't even know who they are (ahem Jason Bourne. Ahem).

I also love to watch movies at the gym.

Oh man, that was so awesome. That mothafucka didn't know WHAT was coming! Awww yeeah! Oh. Eff. I'm smiling again. Heeeey....

The person on the machine next to you is always looking but pretending they're not, like they're trying to figure out if you're doing something funny or if you're just crazy.

Keep on treading, bub. Nothing to see here.

Romantic Void

Chick flicks.

They are a money-making mind game.

And even worse, I know this, yet I continue to watch them.

I think it is a serious addiction and should be treated as such.

But, you will all be glad to know, after much careful thinking, I have decided what it is that makes chick flicks so irresistible to us girls.

Now, you men reading this may not understand, but I can practically guarantee that every single girl will know exactly what I'm talking about.

These movies, these instruments of torture, these evil disks of joy, they lead us on and make us believe that guys like that actually exist.

They entice us with cute pictures and romantic DVD-case summaries, get us completely infatuated with the story line so that we're on some sort of weird high from the joy of somebody else's fake romance, then leave us so depressed at the realization that men like that don't actually exist that all we want to do it watch another one. It's quite the vicious cycle that they've created.

And they work hard at it. They make the most average, every-day heroine, who is completely riddled with flaws. She talks too much, she's a control freak, she is a reclusive hermit, whatever. They're all the same. In some way, they feel like less than stellar individuals, in consequence making them, hey, join the club. Just like every single one of us.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking right now. Trust me, I'm thinking it too. I'm special. And I'm nothing like that normal, average, blend-in-with-the-crowd individual of which you speak.

But we all have flaws. And it is my personal belief that merely because these incredibly attractive movie stars are now given flaws as well, we think that they're just like us. Which then makes us think that our chances and their chances are equal.

Unfortunately, also not true. Because we don't have a team of writers working on our side.

Regardless. They create easily relatable characters, therefore securing us in our oddly trance-like fascinations for the remainder of their movie.

Not that I'm complaining, of course. I'm just saying.

So then, they introduce this fabulous guy. He's cute, or hot, or sexy, or whatever adjective they choose to go with. Any way, we're all drooling. He has a real character, with enough sides to it we think that he could actually be walking down the street right now, not just down lines of a script. Of course, he has a fabulous body, and a keen sense of which fashions will suitably flatter it.

In short, they make him so much like somebody that we all believe we could know, only better. Essentially, he is like the real-life version of all of our perfect man fantasies. Because let's admit it ladies, we all have one. So this guy... he may have flaws, but only enough to make him real, but not enough to actually make us dislike him at all. That would be completely counterproductive to their attempts at hypnosis.

Now here's the kicker. Once we're properly salivating, we get to watch as the flawed girl rejects the dream guy. Not only does she reject him, she legitimately dislikes him. When he makes his completely adorable attempts at flirting, the point at which the rest of us would be jumping into his arms, she laughs in his face and tells him to get lost.

Granted, I will admit that this particular scenario doesn't play out in every single movie. It's not always total rejection. Sometimes she flirts back instead of laughing, and then tells him to get lost.

By this point, we're completely attached. And as we watch him try to win her over, we only ever see his good side. Movie boys never have huge personality flaws. And if they do, they always have completely sweet intentions behind them. It's the perfect plan. What better way to get people to like an attractive man than to give him an attractive personality as well? Essentially, they play out the scenario so that we see out of the eyes of somebody who is in love; No flaws, at least none that can't be completely overshadowed by the large, glorious form of the big picture.

And that leads me to my real point. We all think that there is never going to be a guy like that out there for us. We want one so bad, and yet everybody knows that movie boys are not real boys. Real boys are stinky and you should throw rocks at them if you get the chance. Everybody knows that.

But I've decided that it's all in the eye of the beholder, just like beauty. We love these movie men so much because we see them as a person who was in love with them would. We see them as perfectly adorable, and don't even take into consideration the tiny flaws that may surface from time to time, because we care too much about them.

It has always been said that there is someone out there for everyone. And it is because to everybody, there is one other person who they can see in the same way that we see boys in the movies. True, they may not always be movie quality, and 99% of the time they probably aren't. They aren't carefully calculated inventions, they are real people, and real people are flawed. But flaws are what make us beautiful. So to each of us, there will be somebody who we find completely and utterly adorable, just like the boys in the movies.

There will be somebody who is so beautiful to you because of their flaws, who may not be perfect but who is perfect to you, and who you will be able look at the way you look at the boys in every one of those chick flicks you've spent many a guilty Friday evening watching.

So girls, don't sit there and get all depressed thinking that you will never find love. Because you will. I mean come on, if the ugly kids at school can do it, you can too, right?

Now for those of you that know me, this is uncharacteristically romantically optimistic for me. I'm not a romantic. For those of you who know me fairly well, you should be able to say that I'm actually pretty cynical when it comes to relationships, especially ones in high school. But oh well. That's a different story.

And don't think that I'm hating on chick flicks. Because for those of you that really know me, I love romantic comedies. Love them. Love. Them. Love. 


I'm just saying. We love these movies so much because we are legitimately in love with them, and so every time you sit down to watch a cute romantic comedy starring your favorite actress and a new but quite attractive male lead, you're actually teaching yourself what it's like to fall in love. Just think about that next time.

Just try to pick a good movie. Otherwise that will be one bad relationship for you.

Christmas Senses

Christmas smells like trees and gingerbread. Like sweet vanilla. Like warm honey ham.

It feels like a crackling fire behind your back. Like the warm glow of a thermos of hot chocolate in your frozen hands. Like a cozy sweater, or a nice thick scarf wrapped in layers up to your chin.

Christmas sounds like bells, and choirs singing soft carols. Like the snapping and popping of firewood. Like the satisfying tear of a sheet of wrapping paper, or the long scrape of a piece of ribbon being curled.

It has so many tastes, it's hard to count. Christmas is cookies, and fudge, and candy canes, and hot drinks. It tastes like the bubble gum that you find in your stocking Christmas morning, or like soft mints from the basket on the counter.

It looks like people all bundled up against the cold, like snow settling gently on the tops of tree branches. Like silver and gold glitter, and Christmas movies, and reindeer, and the Zoo Lights. Like tall boots and long sleeves, and sweaters with little snowflakes stitched into them.

Christmas is a season all in itself. Everything about it is so warm and loving, and it's all about being cozy and cuddly.

It appeals to all of your senses, no matter where you are, and I absolutely love it.

Do I Need Counseling for That?

I have a problem.

I have separation anxiety.

Not from people, though. From movies. Or T.V. shows.

I have this nasty little habit of watching every single special feature on the last disk before I have the heart to take the bloody thing out and put it back in its case.

It's not such a bad habit, actually. I rather enjoy it. One can gain so much insight into the actors and the workings of the show by watching the behind-the-scenes interviews.

And behind-the-scenes documentaries.

And previews.

And gag reels.

And deleted scenes.

And bonus content.

There is so much to be learned and so much appreciation to be gained through watching these special features. Trust me, I would know.

I just finished the first season of Chuck, which my lovely brother was kind enough to get me addicted to. And even though I only had one episode left when I sat down to watch it, I didn't get back up until about two hours later.

My butt fell asleep.

And even when I finished them all, I still couldn't take the disk out.

Instead, I watched the gag reel a second time.

What? It was funny.

Why so serious?

So, for those who don't know, I do theatre. I'm definitely a geek. Some might even call me a junkie.

Regardless of the title that you decide to apply, the fact remains that I do a damn lot of theatre.

And I often hear of those who think that it's all serious up on stage.

I can't even count how many people have commented on how much we must practice, or the amount of focus that it all must take, or how serious we all are.

The truth is, shenanigans happen.

Quite often.

In fact, every day.

We love shenanigans.

Giggle fits are not uncommon during preshow, for a number of reasons.

Reason one: Stand too close to the curtain at your own risk, my friends.

There is a very good chance that if you do, you will either get poked, pinched in the butt, or have your pony pulled.

Then there's always the people who enjoy standing behind the curtain saying silly things because they know you have no power to make them stop.

Reason two: We're teenagers.

It's like How to Train Your Dragon; "You just gesture to all of me."

We have dirty minds. If any song lyrics can be turned into a sexual joke, you can almost guarantee that they will be. And as soon as one of us thinks of that onstage, the giggles spread.

It's like a giggle monster has taken over the stage. We can't stop. And for those of you who don't know, it's very hard to sing while giggling.

Very, very, hard. Aka, we don't sing.

Oh, shenanigans. What would theatre be without you?