My mind has been feeling very philosophical lately.
Everything has a meaning. Everything has a lesson. Everything is trying to teach me something deeper.
My frustration at my friends has taught me apathy. I mean, I've always excelled at being apathetic, but this has given me a real reason. Why should I allow people who obviously don't care to affect me so much?
I shouldn't.
Those people who do care will talk to me, will hang out with me, will make plans with me and maintain a relationship with me without me having to break my back in the efforts to keep it together.
So I shouldn't give a single shit about the people who don't.
Well, glad that's settled.
Easier said that done, I'm finding, but I feel like the repetition of the same situations is life's way of telling me that with a little practice, I can master the art of selective friendships and no longer let the ones that deserve my apathy instead derive my tears of anguish.
Talking to other people about their problems had made me realize that I'm not very good at consoling people.
I can listen to your problems. I can tell you the reality of the situation, and the reality of the possible outcomes. I'm good at that.
I'm just not very good at 'looking on the bright side' or 'putting an optimistic spin on things'. I know that now.
I suppose in a way, I always knew that. I'm never all that optimistic with myself, because I prefer to think of my situation in the most realistic an air as possible, so that I know the real life consequences of my actions, instead of the 'best possible scenario'. Now I know that applies to other people, too.
But I also know that I like listening. Even if I don't offer much advice, and all I can say is "well dude that sucks, but let me tell you how bad it actually is versus how bad you think it is," I'm still there for people whenever they need me.
I've made pretty damn good progress on the acoustic since I started on Monday.
I always think that there are some people who can achieve great things in short periods of time, but for most people it's impossible.
Even though I haven't had near as much time as I wanted to work on it, I've learned a lot about guitar in the few days and the little amounts of time that I've spent with it. And I feel like all it takes is dedication, and I can do anything.
Which motivates me. If I can do anything, then I should set some damn goals.
Goal #1: Learn Italian by the end of summer. See it on my summer checklist? Wait for August when I can check that puppy off.
Goal #2: Learn acoustic enough to be able to play Paper Aeroplane by KT Tunstall by the end of summer.
Welp, this summer looks like it might be a tad busy.
But I think that I can do it.
I feel like this post got a little ramble-y, and I don't particularly feel like reading over it for continuity like I usually do, so... I'll just say this.
Everything happens for a reason. I don't know that I believe in fate, or pre-planned destinies, or gods. But I do know that every instance in life can teach you something if you just look for it.
And when you look for it, you can learn a damn lot.
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