Discoveries of Spring

I love discovering new things to love.

First off, I think this is the first year where I've really had spring fever. I've discovered how much I honestly love the sunshine.

I almost went and sat in my car today because it was warmer than outside but sunnier than inside.

But then I didn't.

Because that would have been pathetic.

Not that I'm above pathetic things, mind you. I discovered a new YouTube channel that I loved... and then proceeded to watch every single video she has.

I mean, just watch this. How can you not say that she is hilarious?

Yeah, I bet you're all gonna be addicted now too. Haha. Suckaaas.

I love ancient Rome. I mean, I always knew that, but my love has elevated to new levels.

I bought a book at Borders last week about it. Historical fiction, my fave. And I have decided that I love it so much because it's about men.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Ooh, Emma likes sexy men, so she reads about Rome. Whatever. 

I do like sexy men.

But that's not the point.

Whenever there's a story centering around a character whose dominating characteristic is their strength, it is much more powerful when that character is a boy. Otherwise, it turns into all of this "girl-power" nonsense that demeans the overall effect that the story may have otherwise had.

But, in most historical fiction stories, especially ones that extend that far, it's always men. 

I'm watching Troy as we speak. Er, as I type. You know what I mean.

My book on ancient Rome is sitting on the couch.

I think I may have an addiction. 

But you know what I definitely don't have an addiction to? Or even a slight liking for?

Orlando Bloom. His character just needs to go. away.

There Is No Definition

Many ideas are abstract. Love, faith, courage. None of them can be clearly defined, because to each person they are a little bit different. But most people carry the same general feelings about them.

Love is when you're wanted, or you enjoy something. Faith is believing, in one manner or another. Courage is doing something that takes mental or emotional strength.

But there is one idea that baffles me. Loneliness. It is a curious thing.

What is it really to be lonely? Usually, according to the word's root, it's said that being alone is being lonely.

But that's not really true, now is it? There are plenty of nights that I spend by myself at my house, and I don't feel lonely in the slightest. I even rather enjoy it at times.

And going along with that, there are also times when I'm surrounded by friends or people I know, and I still feel lonely. I am by no means by myself, but somehow I still feel like inside, I am completely solitary.

So what is loneliness, if it's not that? If the direct definition doesn't actually apply, what does?

Some days I feel like loneliness can be caused by one missing thing. A finished book, the loss of an environment. I felt very lonely after Oklahoma finished, because no matter what I did, there was not the comfort of the place and the people with which I had spent so much time.

Loneliness is people. While that analogy itself is illogical, it's very true. In the blink of an eye, people can make you feel either entirely alone, or the complete opposite.

There are days when I talk to few, text none, and think of other things. Those days I am completely fine. I am alone, to be sure, but I am not lonely. Whereas other days when that happens, I check my phone every two minutes to see if somebody finally texted me back and I just missed it. Which usually is not the case.

So I am left completely confounded.

I finished a book recently, The Power of One. It left me very lonely. It filled my thoughts for days, and then it was over and done and gone from my hands, but not from my mind.

One thought that it left behind for good was the virtue of independence. Not political independence, or financial independence, but emotional independence. To build yourself a fortress and let nothing in, except the few things that really deserve your sincere and heartfelt attentions.

Things seem to mean so much more that way. And then the loneliness bird cannot build its nest of stones inside of me.

It Must Be Spring

I've been feeling very poetic lately.

Nothing sounds nicer than a good book and a classical piano.

I wish I could play better, but instead I am getting my piano fill out of my current good book.

I sit around and think. I ponder things. I listen.

Lately, I have not been in the mood for speaking. I would much rather sit in silence and observe.

In silence I can hear the birds chirping. I can listen to people's voices and try to hear the underlying messages. I can hear the wind whistle outside my window. I can hear the creaks and moans of the house after everybody else has gone to bed but the nature outside.

Now all I need is sunshine and poetry. Any suggestions for the latter?

Evening Illusions

I finally bought Alice in Wonderland yesterday.

As I was driving home tonight, I could have sworn the horizontal crescent of the moon rotated slightly when I looked at it.

I was just waiting for the Cheshire Cat to appear and smile at me.

Unfortunately, when I checked my passenger seat, Johnny Depp was not there, nor was a pot of tea.

Damn.

The Hell, Man

Sometimes in life, there are moments. Moments in which the only thing that you can possibly think of to say is "Umm, what the fuck?"

But don't be fooled by the angry appearance of that last word. These can often be good moments. So, to disguise the fact the fuck looks angry and makes people think that I am yelling in frustration rather than joy, we will simplify.

Here are some wtf? moments from the last couple days:

wtf? Moment 1.

I had a girl yesterday tell me I give the best advice ever. Her conundrum? She hooked up with her best friend one too many times, and now they were on the verge of not being friends. Which she just couldn't bear.

My solution?

Stop screwing your friends.

She thanked me profusely. Umm, the hell?


wtf? Moment 2.

I was legitimately wondering what good karma I possibly could have earned yesterday. Within the time span of an hour, I got a job,

YAY!

AND I got tickets to go see Rise Against / Bad Religion at the Fillmore.

Which is so freaking sick.

SO. SICK.

I must have done something really nice to deserve that. And I don't do nice things. I don't understand.

wtf? Moment 3.

At about ten o' clock, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend. It said, and I quote:

"Happy break up anniversery. :) hope your doing well Emma, and i hope the play went well!"

Nice grammar, douche.

Need I say why the only thing that I could think of to say for about an hour after I got it was dude, what the fuck?

I mean, come on. Who says shit like that? Come on, man. Come on.

Final moment came this morning. Surprisingly, from the same source which the first one came from. Golly, she sure is a bundle of accidental entertainment these days.    

One question I never thought I would hear while sitting in the hallway talking to my friends is "Hey Emma, do you have a gameboy charger?"

....the fuck?

No, I don't have a gameboy charger. Maybe because I'm a big kid now, and I don't play Zelda in the hallway during passing periods. Or maybe it's because I just forgot to bring my charger with me to school today.

Or hey, maybe it's because they went out of style FIVE YEARS AGO.

Which I informed her of. Politely, of course.

I'm always polite.

After I finish laughing.

I Own My Soul Again

Hello, blog. It's been a while.

My life took on a new name this past few weeks.

And that name was Oklahoma.

It was quite the roller coaster ride.

I learned a lot. Made some new friends. Discovered some stuff about myself.

Oh, yeah, and had a shit ton of fun.

I miss my new friends already. Good thing we're going to have nightly Oklahoma skype sessions. Because it's a little tough to go from seeing somebody for at least five hours a day to not seeing them at all. Sniff.

I found out that I have really high expectations for myself. Like, more so than I already knew. Almost bordering on the obscene.

Overall, it was a fabulous experience. I already can't wait for next year's musical.

Good news for you all?

I'm baaaaaack. :]

Just Give Me Chocolate

Valentine's Day is tomorrow.

I'm going on a facebook strike.

Because the majority of the population seems to feel the need to express their love via a status update, making it less of a personal interaction and more of a public broadcast of how much of an sappy nymph they are.

And in case you didn't know, nymphs are very sappy.

Because I said so.

Therefore, a nymph is sappy.

Take that, fantasy genre.

So for the entirety of the day tomorrow, I am not going to open my facebook at all. Because if I see my news feed riddled with, and I quote, "i love my baby sooo muchhhh you're the best babe happy valentines day <3<3<3<3<3" I think I will throw up.

Scratch that, I know I will.

Instead, I will be perfectly happy sitting in my basement, eating massive quantities of vegetables (aka chocolate), and watching sappy movies.

That should do nicely.

Think Nasty, Think Nasty

I hate people.

I usually have mean thoughts about them.

Sometimes I try not to say them out loud.

My walk home from school today was accompanied by a nice long rant about the kid who lives down the street from me.

It went somewhat like this:

I hate you. I hate you so much. Every time I hear your stupid cowboy boots click on the pavement I hate you. I hate your jacket. No, it's not even a jacket. It's a fucking trench coat. I hate it. P.S. It's the 21st century. And it's not wartime in America. Put your stupid trench coat back. I hope you realize how stupid you look. Because you look stupid. And I hate you.


On the bright side, I had a good long conversation with my teacher in French today. I felt competent. And it made me smile.

Oh, and they call the wind Maria.

That makes me smile too.

All Stateeee

Is going to be so. Much. Fun.

I'm super jazzed.

But it's funny. Because while I'm super excited and I know that it will be a blast, I'm nervous too.

I feel like it's my first day of elementary school or something.

Will the other kids like me? What if I don't fit in? I hope I wear the right shoes...

I mean, you never know what those other kids will be like. What if the bullies steal my lunch money?!

But really. I have no idea what to expect.

It's always interesting going to district-wide, or in this case, state-wide things. Because you can see all of the different fashions from all of the different schools, and everybody has their friends that they know, but at the same time they're thrown in with a bunch of people that they don't. It's an adventure to see who will end up talking to who, and how the new friend groups will form.

I just hope that we all get along. I mean, with a women's choir of around 100 people, it would be a nightmare to try and put us all in time-out.

I don't think we would all fit in the corner.

Good Ol' Chipotel

I love Chipotle. Even though a lot of people seem to have troubles pronouncing its name. Chipotel, Chipolte, whatever. I still love it.

Because even today, on this coldest of cold days, they still love us.

If you order four or more burritos online and then go into the store to pick it up, not only do they only make you pay for half of it (aka 50% for those of you who are numerically challenged), but they also throw in a cup o' soup for those poor saps who have to go trudge out in the cold and pick up food for their families.

So, guess what I had for dinner?