Deep Intrigues of the Night

My mind has been feeling very philosophical lately.

Everything has a meaning. Everything has a lesson. Everything is trying to teach me something deeper.

My frustration at my friends has taught me apathy. I mean, I've always excelled at being apathetic, but this has given me a real reason. Why should I allow people who obviously don't care to affect me so much?

I shouldn't.

Those people who do care will talk to me, will hang out with me, will make plans with me and maintain a relationship with me without me having to break my back in the efforts to keep it together.

So I shouldn't give a single shit about the people who don't.

Well, glad that's settled.

Easier said that done, I'm finding, but I feel like the repetition of the same situations is life's way of telling me that with a little practice, I can master the art of selective friendships and no longer let the ones that deserve my apathy instead derive my tears of anguish.

Talking to other people about their problems had made me realize that I'm not very good at consoling people.

I can listen to your problems. I can tell you the reality of the situation, and the reality of the possible outcomes. I'm good at that.

I'm just not very good at 'looking on the bright side' or 'putting an optimistic spin on things'. I know that now.

I suppose in a way, I always knew that. I'm never all that optimistic with myself, because I prefer to think of my situation in the most realistic an air as possible, so that I know the real life consequences of my actions, instead of the 'best possible scenario'. Now I know that applies to other people, too.

But I also know that I like listening. Even if I don't offer much advice, and all I can say is "well dude that sucks, but let me tell you how bad it actually is versus how bad you think it is," I'm still there for people whenever they need me.

I've made pretty damn good progress on the acoustic since I started on Monday.

I always think that there are some people who can achieve great things in short periods of time, but for most people it's impossible.

Even though I haven't had near as much time as I wanted to work on it, I've learned a lot about guitar in the few days and the little amounts of time that I've spent with it. And I feel like all it takes is dedication, and I can do anything.

Which motivates me. If I can do anything, then I should set some damn goals.

Goal #1: Learn Italian by the end of summer. See it on my summer checklist? Wait for August when I can check that puppy off.

Goal #2: Learn acoustic enough to be able to play Paper Aeroplane by KT Tunstall by the end of summer.

Welp, this summer looks like it might be a tad busy.

But I think that I can do it.

I feel like this post got a little ramble-y, and I don't particularly feel like reading over it for continuity like I usually do, so... I'll just say this.

Everything happens for a reason. I don't know that I believe in fate, or pre-planned destinies, or gods. But I do know that every instance in life can teach you something if you just look for it.

And when you look for it, you can learn a damn lot.

Vacation From What, Exactly

I've never been too big of a believer in the golden rule.

I mean, treat others as you want to be treated? But what if the others are big, fat idiots?

Yeah, I'm too brash for that.

But to an extent, I do understand it. On a basic level of respect, I understand it. Not for everybody, mind you, but for some people. If I like somebody, or consider them my friend, then unless they do something to merit disrespect, they deserve golden treatment.

Because to me, respect shows that you care. If you consider somebody your friend, you will respect them enough to tell them the truth, or stick to plans, or not disappoint them.

One would think.

However, that has not been my experience. At all.

I know that I stick to plans more than most people. I know that I don't tell just anybody "sure, let's hang out" like most people do. I only tell the people that I actually care to hang out with. The others get rejected. Tastefully, of course.

What with it being summer, I feel like I should see people more. Do more stuff with them. Talk to them. Whatever.

So instead of my typical "meh" attitude, where my rationale consists of the satisfaction that I see people at school and the lack of necessity to see them elsewhere, I've actually been trying to do things with people.

And getting blown off.

Every time.

Now, it's not exactly a new sensation to me. The people that I befriend apparently don't hold the same moral values of respect that I do, and the past three or so summers I'm pretty sure I've gone the whole time without seeing my school friends once.

So you would think that the fact that it still happens wouldn't daze me at all.

But it does.

I feel like if I plan something with somebody, even if I'm not too invested in it, it's my obligation to go through with it. And I've discovered over and over again that even the things which don't sound fun on paper usually end up being twice as entertaining or fulfilling as originally forecast.

Yet time and time again I see that other people don't feel the same sense of obligation, and time and time again I'm disappointed.

Despite my efforts, I see that this summer will be just like all of the others.

Shattered plans and a proliferation of disappointments.

Welcome, Creatures of the Night

I read a quote on Stumbleupon that said for every night you go to bed without praying, there's a 60% chance that an unnatural creature watches you while you sleep.

I should start charging admission.

Warning: Extreme Temperatures

Have you ever been hanging out with friends and had nothing to do, so you've looked up lists hot men, and been thoroughly disappointed at other people's judgement?

You haven't?

That's okay.

I've done it enough times for the both of us.

It's my favorite pastime with some of my friends. You know who you are.

Anyway, I decided it was silly to keep relying on other people to have judgement as awesome as mine, because let's face it, that just ain't happenin'.

So last night, Alyssa and I came up with a list.

Which I promptly lost.

Poor list... it never even made it home.

But I've recreated it for you. With...

pictures!

Hell yes. Enjoy.

Because you know that even if you say you don't like it, deep down, you really do.

P.S.... I tried to rank them, but you have no idea how big of an undertaking that is. So take it as a rough estimate.

1. Chris Hemsworth
Score one: Australian. Score two: Thor. Score three: ...just look at the picture. 'Nuff said.


2. Jake Gyllenhaal
Adorable. He should be my friend.


3. Ashton Kutcher
His smile is so cuuuuute. Plus, What Happens in Vegas and Killers are two of my favorite romantic comedies.


4. James Marsden
His smile? And the fact that he sings? And is actually good at it?


5. Mark Wahlberg
Certified badass. Go watch Shooter. Right now.


6. Karl Urban
One of my favorites. It's awesome how even in the movies that his character isn't a protagonist, he ends up being a good guy in the end. It's like the screenwriters will know that no matter how much of a tool his character is, people will still like him.


7. Josh Duhamel
He's a freak. And it's adorable. I judge him a little bit for being married to Fergie, but it's okay.
"I'm gonna count to fi--" "Yeah? I'm gonna count to three."


8. Channing Tatum
So hot. I picture him as being the guy who's as dumb as a bag of rocks, but... comme ci, comme ca.

Shirtless? Necessary? Sooo necessary...

9. Chris Pine
Also affectionately known as Tiberius. Yes Captain.


10. Ryan Reynolds
He was hilarious, now he's ripped, either way he fits the list. Plus, now he's Deadpool AND Green Lantern. Drool.


11. Matt Damon
If he ever needs another ride to Paris, I'll be there. You can bet on it.


12. Patrick Wilson
He can save whole movies. Ever seen Evening?


13. Matt Bomer
His eyes.


14. Garrett Hedlund
Total Brad Pitt doppleganger. Or maybe I'm just biased because of Troy. Cutiiie.


15. Jason Statham
Although personally, I prefer Handsome Rob.


16. Hugh Jackman
I'm Wolverine, bitch! Yeah... and you're handsome, too.


17. Josh Lucas
So, I didn't know his name until, like, yesterday... But his accent is adorable.


18. Zac Efron
Even though HSM make a joke out of him, I actually do think he's a decent actor, and because I now have respect for him, I allow myself to admit that he's preeetty fine.


19. Bradley Cooper
So I actually saw him in like three different movies before I realized it was all the same guy... Good one, Emma.


20. John Krasinski
He's like the voice inside my head that makes sarcastic comments all the time, except he actually says all of the things that I only think. And he's cute while doing it, so nobody hates him.


21. Brad Pitt
Classic. And I have so much respect for him as an actor. And he's beautiful. Whatever.


22. Colin Egglesfield
Have you seen Something Borrowed? You haven't? GO SEE IT.


23. Gerard Butler
Who can resist a Scot. I mean, really?


24. Johnny Depp
He's classic sexy, even if his hair is silly.


25. Chris Evans
Can't wait for Captain America now.

It's Been a Good Run

Hey guys, nice rapture we had. I really enjoyed that. Especially the people planning their Sunday Jazz Sermons for the day after rapture... that was really nice.

So, I can officially buy R-rated movies and games that are only for those individuals considered to mature.

Not that I didn't before.

Just now it's legal.

That's right, it's my birthday! I'm seventeen, bitches.

Nothing like being told that you're loved on your birthday. But 79 friends writing on my wall? That's a little excessive. Especially since I know I've never actually had a real conversation with some of those people.

But whatever. If they want to be a kissass, let 'em. It's my birthday. They can suck up as much as they want.

Unfortunately, their efforts will not last. And they will return to being the person that I barely talk to in a few short hours.

My birthday is just like the rapture. Attention-seeking and painfully short.

But not near as much fun to laugh at.

Like the Rain

Listen
to the downpour from the sky
falling freely from the clouds
to mingle with the earth
and hang from the leaves
Watch
as it patters harmlessly
on the head of the woman
as she sits in her windowsill
guitar on her knee
swinging her bare foot in the cold drizzle
and it drips onto the strings
that she plucks mindlessly
letting her fingers wander freely
through the droplets
to find a new chord
her eyes are closed
and she hums a melody
never before scripted
and it drips into the hollow
vibrating ever so slightly
as her thumb scrolls out a new melody
making the wood echo
with the sounds of her song
the drops chase the strings
like a wild love
free to go where they will
but always choosing the same path
dripping
away from the window
to what lies below
the sky never clears
and the drops just keep coming
but the song
finishes
and the woman goes inside
and dries her guitar
and leaves it propped
in a corner
to be brought out again
like the rain.

Countdowns

Seven more days left of school.

One week until my birthday.

Three more chem classes.

Better yet... three more stats classes.

A week and a half until summer.

Time can't go fast enough.

It's Definitely a Wednesday

I spent the better part of dinner trying to convince my mother that the mild salsa was not in fact salsa, but pizza sauce inconspicuously placed in a salsa jar.

I vowed to not let up until she admitted it.

She didn't.

So far, I've:

• Watched 4 episodes of The Office
• Eaten half a dozen Club crackers even though I only really wanted a few
• Read the same paragraph in my stats book three times

and...

• Rebooted my computer after it decided to overheat and turn off twice

Seems like a productive Wednesday.

The Clock Ticks in Proportion

My birthday is coming up in three weeks, as is the end of my junior year of high school.

This year has gone by so fast.

It seems as if every year goes faster. My freshman year was so long. The semesters took forever, and it felt as if I was stuck in the freshman hell of crowded locker hallways and pointless P.E. classes for an eternity.

Now I feel as if I have just recently become a junior, when in reality, it's been that way for the past eight months.

It's as if when we get older, the amount of time that we have spent in our life just keeps on compounding, making the minutes less important, and the weeks tick by faster.

When I was a kid, the prospect of having to wait four months between finding out about something and actually getting to do it would have been like some cruel and unusual form of mental torture.

Now, I feel as if Les Mis will be just a blink of an eye away; just a quick summer break and then we can start.

And that's only months. One day, when I'm in my twenties or my thirties or my forties, and I just have to "put in a few more years at this job and then I can move on to bigger things," the years will go by as quickly as the months do now.

I used to wonder how people could stand to live to be ninety, or even one hundred years old. I would just sit there are think good god, you would be so BORED. But now I realize how they manage it: they don't notice how long it is.

So why does time seem to change itself with age? Is it just that we get more patient as we get older, and that patience allows the minutes to melt into one another until they are no longer separate, important entities, and instead become a giant mass that goes quietly on its way, not calling attention to the passing of the time?

On another note, there is a man sitting on the coffee shop couch right now, listening to giant hipster headphones. He looks like Johnny Depp.

Clusterf#*%

That's what this post will be.

For the benefit of those children that may (or may not) read (but really shouldn't read) my blog, I censored the title.

Take that as a warning.

To not continue reading into the clusterfuck.

Aka, stop now.

Anyway. So much has happened over the past month or so, I literally have not had any time to write about it.

So, in order to put a halt on this unfortunate shunning of my blog, I have spent the entirety of this afternoon pondering the best ways in which to consolidate my thoughts of all of the things that have been going on.

In one sentence? People are entertaining.

Usually not on purpose.

In fact, it's usually quite serious. They just fail at being intelligent.

Like when people call in to work to place a phone-in order, and I can't understand their name, so I ask them again. And then the phone beeps, or there's static because they're using a hands-free, or they just have a really freaking weird name that I don't understand.

So after the second time I ask them "I'm sorry ma'am, can you please repeat that one more time for me?" they SCREAM it into the phone.

Which simply exacerbates their problem of white noise.

Making it so that I can't understand their name.

Again.

And while they're getting angry, I'm trying to keep from laughing. I usually just end up making up a name for them. Cross my fingers, hope that it's right.

Or the great people who called in on 4/20. "Would you like silverware in the bag?"

"....SuuuUUUUuuuure!"

Umm... Okay... Just silverware, nothing to get excited about sir.

Or the people at the Rise Against concert that I went to with Jen last week.

Concerts are essentially an excuse for all of the potheads, drunks, and bad dancers to emerge from their holes and mingle with the rest of society.

And it is absolutely hilarious.

Like the one girl who got so excited she started whipping her hair, and then almost fell over because she was completely wasted.

And you could always tell when somebody took a puff of weed, because this nice consolidated little cloud would slowly rise into the air.

Puff... OH LOOK! someone's gettin' high over there.

Then there were people getting hammered while standing in the line. Talk about time-efficient.

But enough about stupid people. Because honestly, I could go on all day.

But I would rather not.

And I'm sure you don't want me to either.